The Chickenhawk Rag

Just returned from an afternoon of American folk music, featuring the exquisite ukulele stylings of Aaron Keim of the Boulder Acoustic Society. What does this have to with chickenhawks? Keim's set featured an old Phil Ochs tune, Draft Dodger Rag, that I think should serve as an anthem for our modern chickenhawk brigade -- the Jonah Goldbergs and Ben Domenechs who cheer on the carnage in Iraq, but won't step foot near an enlistment office.

I have no idea about Keim's political inclinations, but the song he played at this afternoon's house concert neatly ridicules an unfortunate American tradition: chickenhawk cowardice.

I hate [Saddam], and I hope he dies,
but one thing you gotta see
That someone's gotta go over there
and that someone isn't me
So I wish you well, Sarge, give 'em Hell
Yeah, Kill me a thousand or so
And if you ever get a war without blood and gore
Well I'll be the first to go...

Phil Och's Chickenhawk Draft Dodger Rag, courtesy of the Boulder Acoustic Society:

I'm just a typical American boy from a typical American town
I believe in God and Senator Dodd and keeping old Castro down
And when it came my time to serve I knew better dead than red
But when I got to my old draft board, buddy, this is what I said:

Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, my feet are flat, and my asthma's
getting worse
O think of my career, my sweetheart dear, and my poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school, and I'm
working in a defense plant

I've got a dislocated disc and a racked up back
I'm allergic to flowers and bugs
And when the bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits
And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs
I got the weakness woes, and I can't touch my toes
I can hardly reach my knees
And if the enemy came close to me
I'd probably start to sneeze

(chorus)

I hate [Saddam], and I hope he dies,
but one thing you gotta see
That someone's gotta go over there
and that someone isn't me
So I wish you well, Sarge, give 'em Hell
Yeah, Kill me a thousand or so
And if you ever get a war without blood and gore
Well I'll be the first to go

(chorus)

LINK